Body Dysmorphia vs Paige Arminta
I never thought the day would come where I would admit this to not only myself, but to those who randomly end up on my blog. I can see my mom and my close friends saying “hallelujah, she finally understands that she has this issue!” Bless all of them for putting up with me and all my crazy talk. I can’t imagine how annoying that gets.
I am here to tell you all that I have a small case of a stupid thing called: body dysmorphia (BDD). Yes, I am that girl that, at times, feels so ashamed of “my flaws” that I skip out on social events or photoshoots. I over analyze my body by constantly looking at “my flaws” in the mirror. I compare my appearance to another’s. The list goes on and on…but I am going to stop there, because I am extremely embarrassed that I just admitted all of those things.
I am aware that others have more of an EXTREME case of BDD, and for them I pray and pray that they can see eventually see how beautiful they really are. For me, this issue causes so many mental and emotional rollercoasters. For example:
Paige to Paige on a Monday
– I am beautiful inside and out
– I have a body that gets me from point A to point B
– I can walk, run, jump, climb, punch, flip, etc.
– I can walk into a restaurant without any deathly dietary restrictions.
– I love my little imperfections, because they make me who I am.
– “my eyelashes look amazing today!”
– I am a daughter of God and that is all that matters!
Paige to Paige on a Friday
– “I worked out two times everyday for the past two weeks and my pants still don’t fit.”
– Walks into room and lifts shirt to see if my lower belly is still there, even though I checked the last time I walked into my room.
– “If someone said they’d pay me to go to Hawaii for a month, I wouldn’t do it because the thought of being in a swimming suit makes me want to crawl in bed and cry”
– “I hate my stomach.”
– “I literally look three months pregnant”
– Tries on every pair of jeans, has a melt down.
– I wish I was one of those skinny biotches that can eat anything and everything and look like a million bucks in a bikini.
**THIS NEGATIVE SELF TALK GOES ON AND ON**
How terrible is this? It makes me sick. You may all say, “it is social media that is doing this to you, Paige!” I have to tell you, I KNOW that social media is NOT where this stemmed from. I was this way in high school. I did a lot of activities in high school, but my main two focuses were tennis and cheer. I was always “too big” to be the one tossed in the air. Sadly, my goal for my 3 years of cheering was to have my coach tell me “wow, you’ve lost weight! You look good, Paige!”
Y’all, high school is where I learned my most valuable lesson. People are not what they seem. People are struggling with physical issues, mental issues, emotional issues, and if they open up to you, it is NOT your place to ignore or push away the fact that they are struggling. You may see someone as “body goals”, and roll your eyes or think someone is fishing for compliments when that person who is “body goals” says they are struggling with physically loving themselves. DON’T discredit their feelings, because those feeling are real and very powerful.
There is no “come to Jesus” moment in the entry. There isn’t an answer or a cure for those who struggle like I do. I want whoever is reading this to know that you are not alone. I bet more people than you realize are struggling. I am still in a place where I am trying to love the body that I was blessed with. I am trying to accept that as I get older, my body won’t work the same. I am trying to recognize all the amazing things about myself. Not only physically, but internally as well.
I am here right now, vowing to do my best at looking in the mirror and giving myself positive affirmations instead checking on my flaws. My goal is to fall in love with EVERYTHING that I am. One of my fav quotes says:
“Shout out to all the girls working on loving their bodies because that shit is hard and I am proud of you!”
For reals tho, I am so proud of all of you! And me.
xo,
Paige
16 Comments
Tracy
Thank you for sharing. I’ve struggled and still struggle with this myself. One thing that helps me is to think of the verse Ephesians 2:10 which reminds me I am God’s masterpiece. Hope this verse can help you as well💗
Jill
This must’ve been so hard to share. I really admire your bravery and honesty about this issue as it’s something many young women struggle with. Keep it up, Paige! You’re a badass 🙂
McKaely
Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing what you’re struggling with. I can’t tell you how many times I am the same way-I feel like every time I see a mirror I have to lift my shirt to check my stomach or turn to the side to analyze my image. I really love the quote that says something to the effect of “You are incredibly beautiful, and that is the least interesting thing about you.” It’s hard to not be hard on yourself, and I love everything you said. Anyways haha keep it up ❤️
Brooke Ellen
You are amazing for sharing!!! You are so strong! Sending love your way!!!
As a dancer I had the same high school experience and it has stayed with me.
You’ve got this! And let’s just eat what we want and love life.
Best!
Brooke Ellen
Maya
Such a great reminder to never discredit people’s struggles!!!
Shawna
To know you have these feelings is so insane!! If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of others! Because girl you are the most gorgeous girl ever! Thanks for sharing something so real and something not often talked about. I’m sure reading this has really helped someone! ❤️
Lydia
First, you should be so proud of yourself for sharing this! It takes a lot of courage, especially to admit something that you’ve been struggling with.
But i am so glad you did because everything you shared definitely hit home for me.
I feel like this was meant for me to read tonight, so THANK YOU!!
And you go girl. I vow to do my best as well!
Paige Arminta Watts
Lyida girl! I am SOOOOO happy you are vowing to do better with me. I love that I am not alone in pushing myself to become better. I am so sorry you are struggling with this too. It is a hard thing and I am not sure if I will ever FULLY love every single piece of me, but you better believe I am going to try!
Madison & Sam
Paige I praise you for sharing this ! I could only imagine how difficult this was for you to share. And I’m sure others can find comfort in this and know that it is okay to feel how you feel. It’s important to acknowledge it and learn methods to help yourself through these difficult times! I really love all your unique posts on Instagram and it is important for people to understand that even someone who looks so fierce on insta is going through some real shit! We’re all people and we all have our own issues. Thank you for sharing . You are so courageous ! And I wish you the best !
Victoria Kluver
This is beautifully written. So many people struggle with looking at themselves in the mirror. I never knew to really appreciate how beautiful I was before my son was born. I still have negative self talk but not nearly as much.
I can totally relate with your high school days. Having girlfriends who all wanted to go to the beach made me cringe, I never wanted to be in a bikini. I’m learning to love my body again and I thank you for posting this reminder.
Paige Arminta Watts
Victoria! That is so beautiful. Your son is SO lucky to have you as his mother. High school was rough. Can you imagine what it is like now?! We all need to do our best to shine our positive lights for the those who are growing up with all of this pressure via social media!
Ashley Ivie
Your vulnerability is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your struggle. I know many women deal with this and your honesty is so refreshing. You are beautiful! Keep breaking walls and boundaries!!
Paige Arminta Watts
Wow, thank you Ashley! It took me like a good hour to actually press “publish” because I was so scared and so embarassed. So thank you for being so kind! I really appreciate it!
Russ
Proud of you and your strength !!
Paige Arminta Watts
Thank you, Dad!
Brooke
Paige,
You are so strong and inspiring sharing this!
I love how inspiring you are and that you are bringing so many women together with your story.
You are not alone! I deal with a small bit of this as well after years of ballet and my tummy being a topic with my dance teachers.
I am also trying to love my body and accept the things someone else may have labeled as flaws.
I am with you on this change and wanting to be positive when I look in the mirror.
Best,
Brooke